I have a thousand plans for when I get home. I am helping out as a secretary at my brother's office, mostly answering the phone and talking to people about my dad. But I am surfing the web a lot too. I love this piece by Yellena James.
My dad died on Sunday. I feel so empty, tired, actually I don't really feel anything at all.
He was beyond amazing. A musician, an athlete, an artist, a scientist and healer (he practiced dentistry for 50 years). A patient today told me, "you know you expect your doctor to take care of you, but he went far beyond that." He was a leader for the Boy Scout Troop, a regular church goer, he raised money and gave money to so many charitable organizations (too many to list), he was a world traveler and naturalist (he insisted on being the first on the water on his 47 canoe trips to Algonquin park, because he wanted to see the wildlife before they got spooked by the rest of the scouts). He just loved to help people, he loved everything about life.
Today I have been reading old posts of this blog. I am having a hard time believing I wrote any of those words.
In a birthday reflection in 2009 I posted this quote -
“If you dread tomorrow, it’s
because you don’t know how to build the present, and when you don’t know how to build the present, you tell yourself you can deal with it tomorrow, and it’s lost because tomorrow always ends up becoming today.”
The Elegance of the
Hedgehog p. 128
I have been living in the present moment as much as it is possible these days, simultaneously wishing I could just jump ahead to a future where healing has already taken place. So what am I doing reading posts I wrote in 2009? And to confuse you more, here is a picture of my wonderful family from 1970.