winter pics

I think April is actually smiling!

and Gage is smiling too!

We have almost two feet of snow on the ground. It is a beautiful place, this world we live in. Amazing what a bunch af tiny soft snowflakes can do when they get together.

good advice

A friend offered me some good advice as well an awesome link to Alexis Anne Makenzie's website. Today I am going to paint some

yellow flowers and birds on sky blue backgrounds.

I actually have an opportunity coming up soon to exhibit my work,

and sell it too I hope. I'll give more details as it gets closer.

But I am allowing myself to paint some rather pretty paintings. I can imagine many readers don't like to read about my

depressions and insecurtiites, but it is amazing

how putting it out to the world helps me get past it fast.

I feel great today - and Gage feels pretty great today too.

One day at time - you know the rest.

abdominal migrane

My son, Gage, is still not feeling well. He had almost a week of no pain, got to school on Monday and then Tuesday started vomiting.

The diagnosis of the day is Abdominal Migraine. The Pediatric G.I. specialist suggested this a while back, calling it cyclical vomiting, but thought it was unlikely. Even though he has ben on the medication for it and it isn't working, but still it seems that his symptoms fit the definition. So the next step is an MRI of his head. This will rule out any tumor or cyst that may be causing the vomiting.

The symptoms may be mistaken for the flu, but they come back, for example a couple of times in the same month, with no pain in between. The child may complain of motion sickness. The child will probably be healthy otherwise. The pain is usually severe enough to interfere with normal daily activities. Most often the child will want to lie in a dark room and sleep.

I am so concerned that Gage has had this all his life, and was never diagnosed. He was simply a "thrower upper" - he just threw up more often than most kids since he was a baby. I remember too many times the YMCA having to close down the pool to clean it up after he vomited at swimming lessons. He also always had motion sickness on big trips, possibly traveling was stressful for him as a kid.

better

Untitled Collage 2007

It was a matter of being prepared

My deranged up and down confidence is down again. During the Olympics, one commentator said down hill skiers start up high only to come down to success. I wish that metaphor actually made sense.

Any way, I was up all night sad and upset with myself for not being competent at anything.

I can barely get to the dishes, laundry and dinners, let alone make any decent art, I have no job, which means I have no life, I am a failure at being a parent, a wife a friend, blah, blah, blah…

I thought to myself - I am so sick of counting my blessings of which there are so many. I know I have no right to feel so depleted and inadequate. I am so privileged, I have so much (too much). I can tell myself all day these things, I can tell myself I am a talented artist, a giving teacher and patient wife, but in the end none of it really matters when I am feeling that I am not being of any use to any one

Ability and accomplishments aside – what is helping me is trying to understand that most likely many people are feeling the same way. Where did we get the idea that “ happiness” is even out there? Is it those moments of laughing and feeling fine that dissipate so quickly, leave us only wanting more - making us want to run away from difficulty and ignore problems?

I think I want too much. But I need to figure out how to make life work better and feel easier for all of us.

For my family, for my friends, for the world around me, I am going to try harder and I am going to do better.

one more

I like this piece better than the others, although I know the birds will sell and this one probably won't.

finally 2

I had a plan to work on collage while the rest of my family was in Toronto. I haven't worked on any "art" since August. I only really had two evenings and a day, but I did get started on a number of pieces that I am attempting to complete. I find it so difficult to make art when I get interrupted, but I have to deal with it, because that is what it is.

I finished these two kind of so-so pieces. It is not that I dislike them, I just don't think they have any of "me" in them, they are not terribly original or interesting, but they will definitely make nice cards, which sell well for me at shows.

finally

Toronto

My family went to Toronto to see Allen's Exhibit. I couldn't go because of a teaching commitment, but Aster took amazing photos so I could experience the visit too. They spent a good amount of time in what Gage calls the Canadian China Town.

Happy (Chinese) New Year to all!

Threading a needle

There are times when simply being able to thread a needle brings me so much joy.

Gage and George

Late last Saturday night (before Valentine’s Day), I was watching an old episode of Roseanne on my TV in my bedroom and my son, Gage (15) was in his room watching a movie with his father, my husband on his TV. In this re-run of Roseanne on TV land, George Clooney appeared as Booker, the sister’s, Jackie’s, boss and boyfriend, so I run into to Gage’s bedroom to tell him that his all-time favorite actor was on Roseanne in 1982 or something close to and that and he has to see it.

So Gage runs into my room, upset to say the least at the appearance of George Clooney’s hair style, and completely denies the possibility of George Clooney being that person on the TV.

I pointed at the TV and said, “Look… your favorite actor, from Ocean’s Eleven and all those Cohen Brother’s movies…” He says too me, “No, way, that's the guy from Full House (Gage was referring to John Stamos, actually one of my teenage crushes when he was on General Hospital and coincidentally another star of E.R.),

I said, “go Google it”, and he did and he then says to me, “apparently that was George Clooney, but I don’t want to believe it.”

Gage has been really sick for about four months - he can’t stop vomiting. We are still seeing various specialists and I know the wonderful doctors will eventfully figure out the issue, but it has not been fun for this amazing kid. And he has only been a good sport about it, handling it all better than his parents and, well I don’t know really, I just had such a fun time with the vintage George Clooney thing, and I am trying so hard to keep smiling and be optimistic, but when your little boy is throwing up every couple of hours, missing almost all of tenth grade so far and pretty uncomfortable, it is hard to keep smiling. And then Gage woke up Saturday morning in agony, we took him to the E.D. at Strong and waited 7 hours to be sent home, being told that the E.D. doesn't figure out what is wrong, they just treat and we should follow up with all the specialists who were already on his case. After that horrific day, Gage woke up this morning feeling fine. Which is fantastic, but keeps us on this roller coaster ride of doctor's visits, decisions and medications and wondering how long the feeling fine will last.

the obvious

I bought these pink heart shaped raviolis at the public market yesterday for a special Valentines Day dinner. I bought myself the tulips at Wegman's, I just can't pass-up white tulips in February. (Some how the dead seed pods just didn't do it for me). Together they lifted my low spirits a little bit.

Winter Plants

Winter Birds

There are not enough perches, I am going to have to get another feeder!
Luckily the Morning (Ground) Doves don't perch, they wait until the other birds knock seeds to the ground.
I have seen one Red Bellied Woodpecker, but he doesn't like to pose for the camera. And there are at least two beautiful little wrens that come by, same deal as the woodpecker though, they don't stick around for long.

2010?

It is hard for me to believe that this month, February 2010, there were so many blatantly racist media and political statements.

I feel so strongly that this country, at its heart, does not want to see minorities succeed. The problem lies in the fact that as individuals, none of us is a bigot or racist, because, we as individuals sincerely feel open and loving of all, but as a culture, we continue to promote and allow privilege and prosperity to remain the rights of white people only.

1. Vanity Fair has looked into its crystal ball and decided that, as far as up-and-coming, cover-worthy female actors for the next decade go, the future is entirely white. Thank goodness there are many magazines that offer more current and realistic images. Gabourey Sidibe— cover girl for the March issue of Ebony is a wonderful actress and will clearly continue to have an exciting career.

She states, "I don't try to live up to the standards of Hollywood or any of that – I know that I'm different and I celebrate it. In a weird way, I kind of really, really love being the alien in the room. I dig it."

2. NYC Homeless Teen Denied Diploma, Missed Regents Exam During Eviction

This story's as sad as it is stupid: Last week Rosa Bracero, a student at Brooklyn's High School for Civil Rights, was required to be at a family meeting at her family's homeless shelter when the test was administered. Though she insisted she needed to leave to take the 1:15 p.m. exam in order to earn her diploma, staffers told her that the family would be denied shelter if the teen left. This talented student, accelerated her studies in order to graduate a semester early and enter the Lincoln Technical Institute (acing the entrance exam with a score of 490 out of a possible 500 on the English assessment) in order to jump-start a potential high paying career.

Though the school allowed her to take the test on Friday, the state invalidated the results because regulations forbid makeup Regents exams without a valid excuse.

Regents officials say she can take the exam again in June, but she can't graduate and begin taking classes the Lincoln Technical Institute. Rosa's mother lost her job as an administrative assistant last April, and they were evicted last month after falling behind on rent.

2010?

Blog Spot won't allow me to write such a lengthy post ... but there is one more outrageous racist issue that needs to be posted with the others.

3. Last week, ex-Congressman and former presidential candidate Tom Tancredo, delivering the keynote address at the First National Tea Party Convention, suggested that President Barack Obama was elected partly because "we do not have a civics literacy test before people can vote... People who could not even spell the word 'vote' or say it in English put a committed socialist ideologue in the White House." Tancredo scoffs at the notion that these remarks were racially motivated. As evidence, he reveals that the person who helped spur the idea of a civics literacy test for voting was what he describes as "a black guy" driving a limo in Detroit who happened to be studying for his citizenship test. "Civics literacy isn't a fact of race," he emphasizes. "It's not a racial trait or characteristic, although the people who attack me all the time must consider it that. I haven't had so much nasty mail since I said something about bombing Mecca," he notes. "At first, I wondered why they were so damned defensive -- but it's probably because they voted for Obama and thought I was calling them stupid. And maybe they are stupid from my perspective -- but that doesn't mean they're necessarily stupid people."

Vintage

I am determined to keep up with cleaning and organizing the house. The payoff is that I can and then post the wonderful vintage items I am finding.

Above is a page from one of the six Japanese educational science books that are available for purchase on Etsy (below). (So sorry they just sold!)More Flashbulbs. I think fecundity is taking place in the basement.

Decorating with Hearts and Crafts

The Hearts and Crafts show at Java's Cafe was simply wonderful. The delicious smells, artfull surroundings and positive energy made the day super special and I sold very well. I also traded very well. One of my trades was with Shanna Murray. I immediately put up the gorgeous decal on my "new" bedroom wall. The wallpaper was taken down a while ago and we have all these bright white walls, so we created a painted "headboard" and I think that Shanna's decal looks spectacular on it. I installed one of my Anthropologie knobs and made a pencil line making it look like the decal is hanging from the knob. I plan as using it as a revolving changing venue for other art decals or images. It is hard to see the delightfulness of the decal, below is another way that Shanna used the design in her work.

The wall paper was starting to get on my nerves and I just wanted a simpler, calmer room. And below is a pic of the finished wall unit I mentioned a while ago. I wanted to have doors on some of the boxes, but I believe it will be to difficult due to my tendonitis. I have been attempting to screw in eight tiny little screws for the tiny little hinges to just one box for three days now. I have eight more boxes to put somewhere else in the house - so I will see how that goes. The boxes were a bitch to install, none of them actually square, none of them the exact same size. But I did it! And I really like the result, I am playing around with displayiong objects and books but most likely it will be filled with yarn soon.I also traded with Vicky Hartman for two of these beautiful vases on which she and Shanna collaborated. I can't believe I have never visited her blog before today, But I promise to check it often from now on as you all should too.

Opportunity Knocks

Birds come back for breakfast