I am not actually having better days, today sucks and I am really just wishing it didn't. But I am as helpless as always. I am posting this because I want to have something that reminds me not to ever have expectations, to not ever think again that anything will ever change. It happens to be our 20th wedding anniversary. I knew Allen would be entertaining a candidate for a teaching position in his department, so yesterday I made a nice dinner including a three layered cake and a celebration banner. So much for yesterday - today I spent the morning plugging my ears from Aster and Allen screaming at each other, I finally break and tell them to stop and he tells me to shut up and slams the door as he leaves. Never again will I believe that anything matters. People are fighting for their lives, people in our family, and strangers are standing up against tyranny and living in poverty - nothing that happens in our home is so bad that someone has to scream at the top of their lungs or call people names or be so very miserable.
Goo Goo Dolls' Better Days Lyrics
You ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
1 comment:
Come live with us, you can have Margaret's room.
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