Friday, October 9, 2009

this comes from me too

As some of you may know I am planning on leaving my current job and I do not have another one yet. I have so many emotions about this decision. I know I will be happier. I know I will be able to attend to many more chores and responsibilities and even the other parts of life I enjoy. But there are many issues in my head that bewilder and discourage me. Simply put, I feel that I am too good for the job I am in (although this is not the entire reason I am leaving). I hate that I have this arrogance. I hate that I continually judge and criticize my colleagues for being able to with stand working in this sub par, completely unchanging, non interesting environment.

But the fact is that I can't do the job myself. So how moronic am I? I cannot do the work that I consider simpletons to be very good at. I am such a mess. I wax and wane from feeling superior to feeling inferior, from being so full of myself, to then being so insecure I just want to stay in bed all day. Is there any hope of ever feeling just fine? Are their people who believe in themselves, while remaining humble and supportive of others? I hope there are, I want to be like that. I will try to be more like that.

1 comment:

David said...

Leaving is a good thing. You should be proud of the decision to leave. The job is no longer a good fit for you, so you don't belong there, and the best thing to do is leave. Doubtless it's best for everyone. You need to find a better match.
As for whether you can ever feel "just fine", I know you can, but I think it will be temporary. Your critical mind and carefully cultivated taste will always force you to keep looking for the new, and you will not be satisfied with anything mediocre. Surely it must be clear to you that this is as much a burden as it is a gift.
D.